Meeting with the Incredible PANDAS Management Team: A Heartfelt Conversation on ‘Gender Disappointment’ & Perinatal Support
A reflective blog on my meeting with the PANDAS managemnet team exploring ‘gender disappointment’, perinatal mental health support, and how language shapes help-seeking.
Earlier this week, I had the privilege of meeting with the wonderful management team at PANDAS Foundation, a leading UK charity dedicated to supporting every parent, carer, and family affected by perinatal mental illness.
PANDAS have been offering hope, empathy and support for over a decade, providing free services and community connection from conception through birth and beyond. Their compassionate approach to perinatal wellbeing aligns so closely with my own work, especially when it comes to opening up conversations about experiences that often go unspoken, just like ‘gender disappointment’.
Why This Conversation Matters
‘Gender disappointment’ is a complex emotional experience that can occur in many different forms before, during, or after pregnancy and in different ways with each pregnancy. Despite the term ‘gender disappointment’ being used for the experience, research has shown us how misleading and stigmatising it is and, as I discussed with the PANDAS team, it can unintentionally create barriers to help-seeking and help-giving.
During our time together we explored:
Why the term ‘gender disappointment’ can feel so confusing or dismissive
How language impacts emotional support in pregnancy and postpartum
Ways we can support parents
The team asked thoughtful and important questions, showing just how committed they are to improving perinatal mental health support in every dimension.
Language and Barriers to Support
One of the key takeaways from our conversation was the power of language. When we name something in a way that feels unclear, unknowingly misleading, leading to judgements and shameful feelings, like the term ‘gender disappointment’, it can:
Make individuals feel that their experience isn’t valid
Increase isolation and shame
Make reaching out for support really difficult
In perinatal mental health, compassion and clarity in language matter. What we call emotional experiences and how we talk about them shapes whether people feel understood, and thus able to seek help.
Here are some helpful links if you want to learn more:
PANDAS Foundation – Support for Perinatal Mental Health (www.pandasfoundation.org.uk)
Gender Disappointment: Understanding the Emotional Experience
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